This framework differs from existing relationship philosophy terms (like polyamory vs monogamy) because it focuses on the underlying mindset and source of love rather than relationship structure. A monogamous relationship could be proamorous if based on internal abundance and mutual celebration, while a polyamorous relationship could be antiamorous if based on scarcity and possession.
Proamory (from Latin pro 'for/forward' and amor 'love') is both the recognition and practice of love in its true form: as an internally generated emotional state characterized by acceptance, awe, and celebration of another's being. Central to proamory is the understanding that love is always self-generated – an emotion that occurs within one's own consciousness, independent of external circumstances. Practitioners of proamory recognize that while external events or people may create conditions where we choose to feel love, the emotion itself is generated internally, much like joy, sadness, or any other emotional state. This understanding leads to relationships characterized by personal autonomy, mutual celebration, and genuine consent, free from the burden of emotional dependency.[2]
Proamory represents a fundamental reprogramming of conventional relationship dynamics, recognizing that love languages and relationship expectations are cultural programs that can be consciously examined and modified.[3] The practice emphasizes that while connections with others can be deeply meaningful and enriching, the capacity to feel love exists independently of any particular person or relationship structure.[4]
Antiamory (from Greek anti 'against/opposite' and Latin amor 'love') describes a common misidentification of love, where possessiveness, attachment, and emotional dependency are mistaken for love itself. While individuals practicing antiamory may initially experience genuine love (characterized by acceptance and awe) for another person, this emotion becomes corrupted by the false belief that the feeling originated from the other person rather than from within.[5] This misunderstanding leads to grasping behaviors, need-based attachment, and attempts to secure or possess the perceived "source" of love.[6]
Antiamory is not actually a form of love, but rather a complex of fear-based emotions and behaviors that masquerade as love.[7] It emerges from cultural programming that teaches people to externalize their capacity for love, creating a perceived scarcity where none naturally exists. Common manifestations include jealousy (misidentified as dedication), possessiveness (misidentified as passion), and control (misidentified as care).[8] While antiamorous patterns dominate mainstream relationship narratives, they represent a fundamental confusion about the nature and source of love itself.[9] This confusion transforms what could be genuine love into a pursuit of emotional security through possession and attachment.[10]
The distinction between proamory and antiamory is not merely philosophical but practical: proamory represents love in its true form as an internally generated emotional state, while antiamory represents the transformation of initial love into fear-based attachment patterns due to misunderstanding love's true nature and source.[11]